


Burning Heart

by capsicle_joy (daggersofLoki)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Protective Bucky Barnes, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-12-06 23:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18227006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daggersofLoki/pseuds/capsicle_joy
Summary: Set in the 1940s. Your dream was to become a soldier, fighting on the front lines for your country, but that was impossible because of women's rights and your condition. When you're offered a job that could possibly open up the opportunity of you becoming a soldier in the army, you accept immediately in hopes of your dream coming true. What you don't know, is that someone would be injured when only one nurse is left to treat him - you. Unbeknownst to you, it would send you so far off the tracks that only one person would be able to pull you back on. Bucky.





	1. Tuesday, January 9th, 1940

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!
> 
> Since there's only one part left for my Steve Rogers series, I decided to just go ahead and start my Bucky series! I'm actually super excited for this! It does begin with 40s!Bucky, but he won't come in until probably part 3 or 4 but that's just an assumption. Happy reading!

_I remember being a young girl and asking Mama - well, writing on a piece of paper - if I would ever be a soldier, or maybe even a sergeant, fighting for my life on the other side of the country. My assumption was yes, I would be perfectly eligible to become Sergeant (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N), shipping out to wherever the war was at the time to fight for my country, but the answers I received that day were the turning point for me._

_"No, honey. You'll be on a handsome man's arm with three beautiful children and a country home near the lake. Girls can't be sergeant's, nor can they fight in a war. Besides, what good would a mute girl be in battle?"_

_If I could speak, and if I was a bit older at the time, I would've lashed out on mother, yelling about women's rights and how I would be perfectly capable of fighting in a war, but I knew it was wise to just let it go._

_My dream, my mission, was to be at the front of the line, fighting my enemies with a bunch of women - and men - at my side. But, where the world was going now, I was only eligible to cook, clean, and watch over the children I didn't even have._

_I've had so many women scold me for not being at a man's feet, begging for children or to be a wife. But, that life wasn't for me. I swear, no one will ever see me begging for a man to give me children._

_I should just say what my mother always said: "Besides, what good would a mute girl be doing this or doing that?" Apparently, nothing, because I couldn't and still can't speak. Mama should've just sent me away to an orphanage or something of the sort because evidently, I'm useless. That's why I'm here, writing in this journal because what else can I do, other than sitting around in my rundown apartment in downtown Brooklyn, watching the same man get beat up in every alley because of his size?_

 

You set your pencil down and sighed, the sirens from the street below you echoing through your ears. It was continuous. Nonstop, all day, were sirens because people were dying and crime was happening. The world was remarkably corrupt, the only way you could relieve yourself of painful memories was to write in your journal.

You were born mute, unable to speak or even make noises because your vocal cords were faulty. Your mother saw little to no potential in you, and your father had gone off to war, never to come back. Your three brothers had bullied you to no end before they went off to war too. So, you were left alone.

After you graduated high school, you moved from your childhood home in Indiana to Cambridge, Massachusetts to pursue a degree in nursing, and then to Brooklyn, New York, to hopefully get a job and assist in improving women's rights. You rented a one bedroom apartment and lived off the little money your mother had provided for you after you graduated college. That provided two meals per day and the rest for all the fees connected to your home. Your transportation was walking, and your hygiene was limited but it was enough.

You continuously applied for jobs anywhere you could that was within a two-mile-radius - there were not a lot of choices - and hoped that one day you would get one just to earn a bit more money because, at the pace you were going, the money you had would only last about six more months. But who would want a mute nurse taking care of people? 

It was about 8:30 in the morning and you were seated at the window in your bedroom that desperately needed cleaning. But, the window cleaner never showed and you couldn't necessarily clean it yourself. So, you looked through the spots that weren't covered in gunk and dried raindrops and watched the street below you. The morning traffic was building up and the sound of honking cars and people yelling began to reverberate through your apartment.

You were used to it because you'd heard it every day for about a year but it never changed. Always the same nasty comments and the same strained sound of horns. People with road rage yelling at pedestrians to hurry along and others forgetting about the green light notifying them to continue on. It was the same every morning and you desperately needed a change.

It was nearing 9:00 when a knock at the door sounded throughout the small apartment. You furrowed your brow and stood from the chair, setting your journal down and making your way over to the door. You unlocked it and opened it slowly. There was a tall, dark-haired woman standing outside your door. It looked like she was wearing a nurse uniform with a coat over it. You furrowed your brow and rose your eyebrows at the female, not knowing how to greet her.

"Good morning, Miss. My name is Betsy and I'm the chief nurse down at the military base." She offered a kind smile and your heart rate began to quicken.

You smiled and nodded and pointed to your throat to let her know of your condition.

She nodded. "Yes, I'm aware. I would have called instead of coming here but that wouldn't have worked, would it?" She laughed softly and you shook your head with a genuine smile of your own. She was very kind, but why was she standing in front of your apartment?

You put a finger up, signaling for her to wait one second and reached behind you for a piece of paper and a pen. You began scribbling words down as she waited beside you and your heart pounded against your chest.

_Why are you here?_

"I'm here on behalf of your job application. One of our nurses recently resigned to move to London with her husband," Betsy explained softly and you nodded. You were becoming antsy and your foot began to subconsciously tap as you waited for her to explain further. "Even though you cannot speak, you seem perfect for this job. Besides, there are always multiple nurses who can speak for you, or you can always just write messages like you're doing now."

You smiled widely and nodded your head vigorously. This could be your big break. Maybe you could move somewhere nicer and buy a car. Well, maybe you were overstepping a bit, but this could lead you down a path that could change your entire life.

"You'll be living with the other nurses in their tent and you'll be working in the medical tent every day from about 8:00 in the morning until about 6:00 in the evening unless one of us tells you otherwise."

Your eyes widened and your lips parted. You mouthed the word 'living?' with eyes still wide and the nurse laughed and nodded.

"Yes, hon. Living." She shook her head and playfully rolled her eyes and you knew you would be good friends with her. Hopefully, you would work near her and hopefully, everyone else was as nice as her, but that wasn't likely. There was always someone you didn't like. "It's (Y/N), right?" You nodded and she smiled.  "I know it's short notice, but you have a week to pack everything up to move in with the other nurses." She pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to you. "Here's a list of everything you may take with you and how many things you're allowed to bring. I'm afraid you'll need to get rid of the rest."

Everything else she said was a blur and as soon as you bid her farewell and closed the door. The biggest smile formed on your face and you threw your arms up in individual celebration. Then, the nerves kicked in. Someone was bound to judge you for your 'disability' and you hadn't been a nurse for that long. What if you killed someone by accident? What if you did everything wrong? If they fired you, you would have nowhere to go. Your home would be gone and you would be on the streets.

You breathed deeply and shook your head. No. Everything would be perfectly fine. Maybe this could help you go to war. Maybe you could truly become a soldier like you'd always wanted to.

You ran over to your chair and began frantically writing in your journal. If anything, you would have something to publish later on if you ended up on the streets and needed money. So you wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote until your hand cramped and you couldn't anymore.


	2. Monday, January 15th, 1940

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! 
> 
> This is so fun to write like this fic is so fun to plan out. I hope you guys like it because I've got big plans! Happy reading!

Waking up on the morning of the 'move', so to speak, your nerves were skyrocketed. Almost everything in your one bedroom apartment was gone, despite the few belongings you needed to bring with you to the military base, and, of course, your journal. It was where it always rested, atop the small windowsill where your small chair sat. That was where you spent most of your time after all - writing in your journal until you found something else to do, which you would admit was remarkably rare.

Your stomach was twisting and turning, and your heart racing whilst you hopped in the shower. You made sure to shower quickly, and once you were finished, you dressed in a blouse and a pencil skirt with semi-high heels. You decided on light makeup with red lipstick and curled your hair. You barely recall Betsy informing you that your nurse's uniform would be laid on your bed, washed and ironed for you once you made it to the military base. She told you everything would be provided despite your sleepwear, undergarments, and other private necessities.

You had a bit of extra money from selling your belongings: your mattress, your bed frame, your dresser, your refrigerator, your couch, and your tv, and you didn't have any food left for the day since you were leaving, so you decided to go out for breakfast. You packed your remaining possessions into a briefcase, including your journal, and headed out, feeling sad but glad that you were leaving the home you'd had for so long. You were starting a new life, and you could only hope it would lead you to your dream.

 

The bell jingled softly as you entered the small Brooklyn diner and a few heads turned towards you before resuming their original positions. Your heels clicked against the floor as you headed over to an empty barstool. You smiled softly as the waitress neared you and you let your eyes skim over the standing menu for the special. You nodded to yourself and made sure your legs were closed underneath the bar. 

"Morning, Sugar!" The older waitress greeted you kindly and walked over to stand in front of you. "What can I get ya?"

You smiled at her kindness and looked at her nametag. Margie. Probably a preferred nickname, short for Margaret. You placed your left hand on your lap under the bar and pointed to the standing menu with your right. Her eyes followed your nimble fingers as you tapped the laminated paper a couple of times, notifying her of what you wanted.

"The special?"

You nodded and pointed to your throat, mouthing the words 'can't speak' to inform her. You figured it would just be easier on her if she knew. It would help clarify things and she would know if she came back around to check on you.

She nodded and offered an overly sweet smile but you appreciated the gesture nevertheless. "Sure, hon. You want something to drink with that? Coffee, tea, maybe a smoothie?"

You put one finger up and mouthed 'coffee, black' and she nodded.

"Be back in a jiffy." She disappeared, leaving you feeling warm and fuzzy because of how she treated you. What a wonderful way to start your day! Most people talked about you and your muteness thinking you couldn't hear them but you could hear them loud and clear. It was a bonus to your condition. If you couldn't talk, you could hear, and very well at that.

Margie came back with your order a few minutes later and told you that she would check on you regularly in case you needed anything else, considering there wasn't really a way of calling her over. You mouthed a thank you and she nodded.

"Sure thing, Sugar."

You ate fairly quickly, knowing that a taxi, paid for by your boss, Betsy, would be waiting in front of your apartment building soon. It would take you to the military base where there would be another nurse, Nancy, waiting for you. She would stay with you for about a week, maybe less until you figured everything out.

You felt confident about this job because you had straight As in college and every professor told you that you were a natural. That your first gig would feel like you'd been a nurse for years. You took the compliments and praise with you everywhere you went because it helped you remain positive about getting a job. It must have been the right idea because look where it landed you!

You stood from the barstool and waved when Margie turned towards you. She bid you a kind farewell and you smiled as you left the small diner. You would hopefully be back there if you were ever allowed to leave the military base.

You headed back to your apartment complex and waited outside. The familiar yellow vehicle pulled up to the sidewalk and you smiled. The man in the front seat exited the car and popped the trunk upon seeing your briefcase. You smiled before walking around and placing your limited belongings inside. He opened the door for you and you made sure to tuck your skirt behind you as you stepped inside.

He got in and began driving you to your new home and your work. You swallowed your nerves as the city rushed past you, and you saw the same small man getting beat up in yet another alleyway, and that's when you realized that this was the best thing to happen to you in a very long time. That's when you knew everything would change, and for the better.

 

The military base wasn't quite what you expected, but once the taxi parked and you stepped out, you knew it was going to be perfect. Even if you couldn't be the one training, you would get to watch the young men train for war, and imagine it was you. You sighed and shook your head, knowing you would never be able to fight on the front lines, but a girl can dream.

Once you grabbed your briefcase from the trunk and the taxi drove off, a young girl, about the same age as you, maybe younger, jogged over to you. You offered a kind smile as she trotted over.

"You must be (Y/N)!" You nodded and her cheery voice brought a bashful smile to your face. "I'm Nancy!" She offered her hand for you to shake and you felt your smile reach your eyes when you took her hand. "It's so nice to meet you! I heard you can't speak"

You nodded slowly and she frowned but only for a few seconds. It seemed as if when she frowned it only ever lasted a few seconds before a bright smile replaced it.

"I think it's wonderful that you're not letting that stop you from doing anything!" She smiled and patted your shoulder before grabbing your hand and pulling you with her. "Now come on! Let's get you settled in!"

 

Nancy was extremely kind and energetic but you liked that about her. Hopefully, it didn't become annoying. But you didn't see that happening anytime soon. She bunked in the same room as you, along with two other nurses whom you didn't appreciate as much. 

Bridget was sassy, bossy, and seemed to despise you when you attempted to introduce yourself, and Kathleen was almost like her sidekick, sporting the same snobby attitude with a few aspects of her own. At least you knew two other nurses who you liked. Betsy and Nancy were probably going to be your closest friends.

There were only five nurses on the military base - Betsy, Nancy Bridget, Kathleen and yourself - but there were others who were close by and easy to contact in case more hands were needed. But that wasn't too common. You all worked in the same large tent but in different sections. Bridget and Kathleen worked in the vaccination section, and you and Nancy worked in the battle wound section. 

 But your situation was sort of like Betsy's because of how well you did in college. It was like you had already gotten a promotion, but instead of receiving it, you just started at a higher level than the others. Your main job was with Nancy working on fatal and superficial wounds, but occasionally you would do last minute and required surgeries alongside Betsy.

"Work starts in about ten minutes so why don't you get changed? We work in the same department so we can head on over together once you're ready." Nancy smiled and gestured toward your uniform with a smile. She already donned hers and yours looked identical. You nodded and smiled, grabbing the hanger the camouflage-green, two-piece uniform rested on, and headed to the bathroom you shared with your three 'roommates'.

The uniform fit perfectly, with enough space for you to move around and you departed the bathroom with your discarded clothing in your hands. You folded your barely-worn outfit and placed it into your briefcase before turning to Nancy, who was smiling at you.

"Shall we go?"

You nodded and followed her out the tent, with a nervous lump growing in your throat. You could only hope your first day would go well because if it didn't, it might be the end of your job and your life.


	3. Monday, January 22nd, 1940

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> Here's part 3! I don't really have anything say about this part other than beware of the fluff! This is 40s Bucky so no metal arm, short hair, and he's a sergeant in the military. Happy reading! 

It seemed to go by faster than anything before. Your heart was beating rapidly against your ribcage with excitement for your next patient, and a thin layer of sweat had gathered upon your forehead. It was hour six of you working nonstop and adrenaline was coursing through your veins. You were having so much fun despite the lack of communication between you and your patients. But everything played out smoothly.

Nancy was always within your vicinity, therefore she would speak to the patients about their circumstances. She always gave a brief summary of your condition to clear confusion but she never went so far as to explain every detail. It was just one of your requests. You didn't want anyone doubting your capabilities because of your predetermined state.

It was the last day of your first week working as a nurse at the military base and you couldn't ask for anything more. Everything was running smoothly at your job all week, curing soldiers of common colds, cuts, gashes, and giving the occasional vaccine if Bridget or Kathleen weren't available. You'd even overheard a few soldiers talking amongst one another about you being the favorite nurse out of all five of you.

It was about 7:30 in the evening and every other nurse except for you had gone home. You offered to assist a young soldier who had a stomach bug before you went home - well across the military base to the tent you shared with the other girls. You ushered the soldier outside the medical unit - silently of course - once you diagnosed him, and were cleaning up when you heard faint stumbling outside the unit. There was grunting and groaning, and the rustling of leaves underneath someone's feet.

You slowly walked away from your equipment and turned around, walking in the direction of the sound, but a sharp cry broke through the temporary silence and you broke from your daze. You pushed through the opening of the tent and jogged into the trees. The base was vacant and it seemed as if everyone had gone to their tents for the night. You picked up the pace once the groans became louder and your heart shattered into a thousand pieces at the sight in front of you.

It was a soldier who looked to be about thirty, with blood pooling out of his side and dripping across his fingers, scratches donning his entire face along with a large gash across the side of his forehead. It almost cut through his left eyebrow and it looked like blood was threatening to ooze into his left eye. He was leaning down; his body about to collapse into a heap on the ground and that's when you raced into action.

With legs moving at record speed and the pins in your hair falling out of place, you rushed over to the man, your brain neurons firing faster than you could process the information. Panic settled in your stomach as you thought of how you could get the soldier back to camp. You couldn't tell him who you were or that you weren't going to hurt him. You shook your head and decided to just let his reaction lead you to the solution.

His head lifted upon hearing your feet hit the ground with every stride you took, and you swore you could see relief flood through his body, even if it only lasted for a nanosecond. That's when you saw his facial features and your knees involuntarily grew weak. He was gorgeous. Probably the prettiest man you had ever come across. His blue, almost gray eyes were clouded with pain and worry, his nose was fairly small, and his lips were full and pink, and slightly chapped from what you assumed was nervous biting and licking. His jawline was so strong it was almost overwhelming to look at, but it made your heart break even more - seeing this beautiful broken man about to fall to the ground in pain.

Your strides shortened once you came near him and you caught him mid-fall. You hooked your arms underneath his underarms and hoisted him up using all the strength you had left from a whole day's work. He weighed much more than you had originally anticipated but you never let yourself give up. Once he was standing semi-straight again, your turned and laid his right arm across your shoulders. You wrapped your left arm around his waist and began assisting him in walking back to the medical unit.

You took a deep breath and chose to use one of the only tactics you could to calm him down. "Shhh." It was all you could do but it seemed to be enough to control his erratic breathing. Your heart rate sped up when you felt the fingers of his left hand lay across yours. You smiled and continued guiding him toward the tent. 

You carefully laid him across the exam table and put a finger up, signaling that you'd be back soon. You headed to the washroom and scrubbed your hands for a solid minute before rushing back into the room where the soldier laid, eyes closed and lips parted slightly. He was asleep and the sight of it warmed your heart. His chest was moving up and down so all your worries about him possibly being dead disintegrated and you smiled.

The first thing you did was rid him of all his military gear and his shirt, leaving him in cargo pants and dog tags. You would check those later. Right now, there were more important things that needed to be tended to. You took a deep breath and began cleansing his main wound of dirt and grime. After a few seconds, you heard him inhale deeply and glanced up, watching as his eyes opened and blinked a couple of times before focusing on you. It must've stung otherwise he would have remained asleep.

You mouthed the word 'sorry' with an apologetic look on your face and he shook his head, the tiniest smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"It's okay, doll."

The pet name forced a smile upon your face and you proceeded cleaning his wounds. After a few minutes, the main wound was stitched and wrapped, and you were moving onto the gash on the left side of his forehead. It only took you a few minutes to wipe away the blood and bandage the slice. You decided, in the end, it didn't need stitches and made sure no blood went into his blue eyes. Offering the kindest smile you could muster up to encourage him, you merely cleaned the tiny cuts that littered his face and pulled your rubber gloves off with a smile.

You dusted off your hands and gently reached for his dog tags, somewhat scared to read the name, but at the same time, filled with adrenaline because of who this could be. You ran your fingertips across the plate and read the name, more than once, letting it repeat itself inside your head.

_James B. Barnes._

You recognized it faintly, but no major bells rang.

You smiled and rested the tags back on his chest before smiling at the soldier. Reaching behind you, you grabbed a small slip of paper and a pen and placed it on the table beside you.

_Nice to meet you, James. My name is (Y/N), I'll be your nurse for the remainder of the time you stay here._

You handed him the small sheet of paper and watched his eyes flick across the paper as he read the hand-written words. A small, subconscious smile formed on his face as he read the words and the paper remained in the same place as he looked up at you.

"Call me Bucky."

You smiled and nodded, mouthing the name with butterflies in your stomach and shaking your head at yourself.

_Sorry, I can't speak. Otherwise, I would correct myself and give you a proper introduction._

He read the words and frowned softly, letting the sentence process itself in his brain before furrowing his brow. "You don't need to apologize, (Y/N)."

_Normally, I have someone else who would communicate with the soldiers for me, but the other nurses left for the night. I'll try my best to make this easy for both of us._

You smiled as you handed him the paper again, and felt relief flood through you. You were successfully communicating with a wounded soldier and he wasn't annoyed by your method. Most people got tired of reading your handwriting after three times but he seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say, even if you couldn't literally say it.

"Sounds good, sweetheart."

You almost shivered at the pet name and let an ear-splitting grin form on your face to show how much you cared. You had no idea that you would be the only nurse to treat the wounded soldier for the rest of both your careers.


	4. Monday, January 22nd, 1940

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> Here's part 4! I hope you guys like it! It's starting to get suspenseful and exciting! Thanks for reading and let me know what you think.
> 
> I know the paragraphs are jumbled together but I fixed it like 3 times and it won't change. Sorry! My ao3 has been acting weird lately... the next chapter will have a better layout. I promise. ;D

You released a hefty breath of air and stepped away from the small cot. After pulling Ja-Bucky from the exam table, with dread, you realized that you needed to assist him into the resting area and set him on a conveniently cleansed and refreshed cot. Everything seemed fine until you realized that none of the cots had been cleaned from the ill soldiers you treated that day. With a huff and a mouthed swear word, you helped him back onto the table and mouthed apologies over and over and over again, knowing it hurt him to continue moving him around.  
"It's okay, Doll. I'm fine right here." Bucky's kindness was beyond you. He was a wounded soldier, being treated by a nurse who was not only new but mute. He was being too kind to you and you bet he knew it.  
Shrugging off his kind comment, you shook your head and grabbed new bedding for the cot before he could protest. Your new plan was to treat him with more kindness than he could offer you because most of the time you dealt with soldiers who did not want to be in the medical unit. Ones that proceeded to say they were fine even though they were practically bleeding out. But, that was the type of attitude that was needed to win this war, so you never reacted to it.  
You stripped the bed of its contents and sheets and laid the new ones across the cover. You picked out the softest sheets and the most comfortable cot for him, and with a smile, you headed back into the exam room. You blinked your fatigue away and glanced at the clock quickly. It only felt like you had been assisting him for a few minutes but you were not even remotely close.  
"Everything okay?" Bucky lifted his head toward you when you entered the room, and sat with patient eyes as he watched your eyes shift from the clock to him. You offered a promising smile and a nod, your eyes glossing over with ennui but joy bubbling in your stomach at the sight of him looking much happier than before.  
The corners of his eyes crinkled in delight and a dapper smile found its way onto his now clean face. "Good." He began pushing himself from the table but you were quick to rush over and help him. You heard him chuckle softly and you smiled at the sound as you struggled to support most of his body weight.  
You very gently laid him upon the bed and watched a content smile form on his face. It was beautiful - he was beautiful. Once he was comfortable, he let a small frown grace his features before opening his mouth to speak.  
"Can I ask you something?" You nodded and folded your hands in front of your body. He patted the spot beside him on the bed and you complied, sitting in the exact place he patted. You barely fit, but it was sweet of him anyway. "Are you choosing to be mute? Or are your vocal cords damaged?" As soon as the words left his mouth, you glanced away and furrowed your brow; deep in thought. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"  
You pressed a finger to his lips to quiet him and your stomach fluttered when you felt him smile against your fingertip. You gently pulled your finger away and reached into the pocket of your uniform. You pulled out a notepad and a pen and began scribbling words down upon the new paper. It wasn't neat handwriting, but it was legible.  
_You're fine, Bucky. My vocal cords are damaged but it's not severe._  
You handed him the notepad and he nodded as he read your hand-written words.  
"You've never tried to speak before?"  
You shook your head and lowered it in shame but when his hand found yours and he offered a kind squeeze, your eyes tore from your hands and back to his blue eyes.  
"I wanna teach you how to whisper."  
You looked over at him with wide eyes as a smile tugged at the corner of your mouth. You formed the word 'really?' with your lips and watched him nod. You began scribbling hastily onto the notepad he had returned to you while you were in shock and smiled as you wrote.  
_I've never tried whispering before. I guess if it's not severe it might work._  
You resisted the urge to place a smiley face at the end of the sentence and let silent laughter shake your body. You were always too scared to cough, or laugh, or whisper so you still had yet to know if it was even an option.  
"Maybe I don't even need to teach you. You may already know how." He winked and you held in the shuddered breath that threatened to escape. You felt slightly naughty because of your feelings. You'd known him for a few hours and you already thought he was the most gorgeous person you had ever seen. Inside and out.  
You smiled and nodded before writing a few words on the notepad after taking it back, and stood from the small bed.  
_I'm going to go check on the other nurses. I've been here awhile, I don't want them worrying. Careful not to rip your stitches._  
Bucky smiled at the last sentence and lifted his eyes to your form. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll be gentle."

***

Panic began to settle in your lower abdomen as you swung around, glancing in all directions around you. Standing in the very center of the military base, with tents that were supposed to be filled with people encircling you, you felt goosebumps trail up your skin as you eyed your surroundings.  
It seemed as if everyone was just asleep at the late hour, like normal, but that was not the case. You had first trekked over to your shared tent with the other nurses, and to your surprise, no one was there. You had thought nothing of it. But when you passed the next tent and heard nothing, you began to panic. There were supposed to be sounds: creaking of cots, gravel crunching underneath a night owl's feet, crickets calling out to their mates. But there was nothing.  
After searching every tent and finding every canopy basically abandoned, you found yourself in the center of the base, continuously watching for enemies in the dark. There were no sounds of nature or life and you began to tremble with fear.  
You sprinted back to the medical unit - well, jogged because that was your limit in heels in the dirt - and Bucky sat up in worry at your state. Your uniform was crimped and dirty, your hair had fallen completely out of the pins, and your forehead was glistening with sweat.  
"What happened?"  
You rushed over and wrote on the notepad in your worst writing yet.  
_No one is here._  
Bucky's eyes skimmed the words repeatedly and you watched as his brow furrowed. He slowly broke the intense gaze he had on the paper and looked into your eyes with a perplexed expression upon his face. "What do you mean?"  
_Exactly what I wrote. Everyone is gone._  
"I don't... I don't understand."  
You huffed a breath and continued writing.  
_I searched every tent. Every nook and cranny. No one is here. Just you and me._  
Bucky's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed in fear and you released a shaky breath. "That's not... that can't be possible."  
Completely exasperated, you did something you didn't even think you could do. You whispered. It was small and borderline inaudible, but it was enough for him. "Bucky." The word left your lips in a small murmur, but it was enough for Bucky to realize how serious you were being.  
Bucky had to try extremely hard not to smile at your whispered word and focus on the task at hand but it was seemingly impossible. He let the ghost of a smile grace his features before standing from the cot. You went to help but he held his hand up, gesturing for you to back away. He was stronger now and his wounds were wrapped, therefore he decided he was strong enough to support his own body weight.  
"B-Bucky, what's happening?" You whispered ever so softly and he pulled you behind him, mood changing in a split second.  
"I... I don't know."  
"There were no crickets, Bucky. No sounds of nature or anything." Your voice strained from too powerful of a whisper and you swallowed to relieve of the pain. You needed to take it easy if you were to get used to actually forming words with your breaths by using the back of your throat.  
The sudden sound of an explosion in the distance startled the both of you but Bucky was quick to recover. He held you behind him and kneeled down to grab the emergency supplies that were underneath every cot. He grabbed a machine gun and a couple of grenades before pulling you with him into the exam room.  
"Stay behind me no matter what, and whatever you do, avoid being hit." Bucky's voice was deep and commanding and you told yourself you would do everything in your power to obey your orders.  
You nodded and swallowed thickly. You wanted to help and this was your chance but all you could do was watch the trees explode in clouds of orange fire and thick black smoke. You held yourself for a few more seconds before enclosing your hands into tight fits and clenching your jaw. "Screw this." You whispered to yourself and before Bucky could hold you back, or even call out for you to stop, you were reaching for ammunition and a machine gun identical to his.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> I know, I know. It's been a while since I've updated this series, but I've been super busy the past few weeks. I finally managed to sit down and write part 5! Let me know what you think! Happy reading!

Monday, January 22nd, 1940

It was all a blur from when you grasped the machine gun, to after you had positioned yourself opposite Bucky. Of course, you knew how to handle a gun despite it being frowned upon in the society you lived in, but that wasn’t the issue. After hearing the flareups, you and Bucky were ready for impact, but nothing happened. It had been at least fifteen, maybe twenty, minutes of stealthily wandering around and it was as silent as a gated community in the dead of night.

With a quick side glance toward Bucky, you lowered you gun but kept your eyes and ears open. You only heard Bucky’s clothing shift as he followed your actions, lowering the weapon to rest on his hipbone. You released a sharp breath through your nose and blinked a couple times before stepping forward to look through the thin material of the tent.

“What the hell?” Was all you heard Bucky say from behind you as you very cautiously moved the entrance curtain aside and stepped out. “Wait, (Y/N). We don’t know what’s out there.” 

You stepped forward, saying nothing as you checked to make sure your gun was still rested against your upper thigh, with your hands gripping its side in case it needed to be used suddenly. You whirled around, allowing your eyes to flit across every surface of the forest and camp around you before turned back to face Bucky. “That makes no sense,” You whispered as loudly as you could without straining your throat.

The use of whispering brought a small smile to Bucky’s face – heat of the moment – before he cleared his mind of unnecessary thoughts and followed you out into the now dark camp. The only light provided was a lamp at every entrance of each tent, and the small candles lit inside the tents that had seemingly been abandoned.

“Bucky, the explosions…” Your whisper slowly died out throughout your words and became a quiet strain as you trailed off.

“I heard ‘em too, Doll. And you’re right, it makes no sense, but we’ll figure it out.” His gaze shifted to you and you swallowed the mucus coating your throat before nodding slowly; hesitantly. 

“We should,” You swallowed again, “go back and get packs for ammo and food and water,” You suggested, and Bucky nodded slowly. You could practically see the gears moving inside his brain. He must have had something else on his mind if it was taking him this long to process what you said.

As if reading your mind, he spoke, “(Y/N)…”

You turned back towards him and rose your eyebrows, urging him to continue.

“How do you know how to shoot a gun?”

The question was like a punch to your gut and you ignored the way your muscles contracted, and your entire body went stiff. You couldn’t tell him the truth. He would never expect to hear something like that come out of a nurse’s mouth. What would he say if you just straight up said, “Oh, yeah I’ve always wanted to be a soldier in the army.”

Wait… Would it really sound that bad? Now that you were thinking about it, telling him your dream might be one of the best options you have. You racked your brain for another option or a reason to lie to him, and upon finding nothing, you sighed deeply and slumped your shoulders.

“I never wanted to be a nurse.” There. That was the perfect medium. You were making him figure it out on his own whilst offering small clues instead of straight up telling him.

You watched as emotion flickered through his blue-gray irises for a mere second and waited for realization to grace his handsome features. You either missed it, or it never happened.

“You… didn’t?” He furrowed his brow and parted his lips subconsciously, which was the cutest thing, but nobody needed to know that. Except for everyone in the entire universe.

With a simple shake of your head, you stood straighter and waited for him to figure it out. He glanced at you for more than a few seconds and you lifted the gun to give him another small hint and his eyes lit up.

“Gun—Army—You wanted to be a soldier.” He said it with pure awe which confused you and maybe even startled you, but you brushed it off as nothing.

You nodded and smiled softly at his expression. It warmed your heart and you didn’t know what the other feelings in your chest were.

“I’ve never heard of a dame wanting to be a soldier. Only a little guy from Brooklyn who thought he could accomplish anything.” He smiled as a fond memory flooded his brain and you smiled.

His statement reminded you of the small man whom you saw get into fights in every alleyway. “Yeah, well. It’s always been a dream of mine. My mother always told me I couldn’t because it wasn’t ladylike.” You sighed, voice strained, and slumped your shoulders. She was probably right but a girl could dream.

“Who says you need to be ladylike?” A small smirk broke through his façade and caused you to smile and shake your head.

“Everyone, basically. It would be a living nightmare for a lot of people if they found out a woman joined the army.”

“Does it really matter what they think?”

“It does if it can get me arrested,” You countered and Bucky nodded slowly and frowned, glancing away from you for a second before shifting his gaze.

Changing subject quickly so as to avoid your discontent, he said, “Do you think you’ll ever be able to use your voice?” He watched as you slowly began making your way back into the tent and followed behind like a puppy.

“I don’t know,” You whispered practically soundlessly but he heard you. “I mean, the doctors said my vocal cords were damaged but I’m whispering which is already a big step not many mute people can take.” You released a puff of air and opened the curtain of the tent, stepping inside and holding the fabric open behind you for Bucky to follow.

“Really?” You nodded. “You’d think it’d be easy to whisper,” He said with awe and you shook your head.

“No, whispering’s a bit more complicated than most people think.”

A small frown replaced his interest and his gaze faltered. “Well, I’m proud of you for stepping past your comfort zone.” His blue-gray eyes found yours and crimson filtered through the apples of your cheeks. You desperately attempted to ignore the butterflies in your stomach as you stared into the colorful irises of the soldier before you. He was just different. In every way. His personality was special, one you’d never think you’d find. He was stubborn and acquiescent at the same time; if that was even possible. His aura was full of loving-kindness with a bit of burden but nobody’s perfect. Even his facial features were different; his eye’s shape and color, his small but masculine nose, his plump lips; he was beautiful. 

What confused you the most, was how you were thinking about this now. Of all the times you could have been admiring his characteristics, you were doing it when the military base was possibly under attack, or worse, already being held hostile.

With halting realization, you gasped. “That’s it! How could I have overlooked this?”

Bucky seemed startled by your sudden outburst, but a new flake of interest covered his bewilderment. “What?”

“The military base isn’t under attack.”

The look that formed on his face was one of shock, confusion, and even terror. “What do you mean?” The lack of tonality in his voice showed that he might have already known what you meant.

“We’re not under attack because we’ve already been captured.” You paused and swallowed the thick lump of fear that molded in your throat. “We’re hostages.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> I really like this series... that's a first... hahaha. Oh, and in this house, we believe in love at first sight. If you disagree, you may kindly keep it to yourself. Happy reading!

A quick jog – well sprint – back into the tent and you were already beginning to tremble and sweat. Your labored breathing was the only thing you heard as you locked yourself inside the exam room. With a quick glance down at the mangled skirt of your dress, you groaned inwardly and began rummaging through the cabinets. There had to be a spare outfit somewhere. One that wasn’t so… feminine.

Within a few short minutes, you found it. The spare outfit for a soldier who had ripped theirs or had nothing else to wear whilst theirs was being cleansed. You’d only hope it would -  somewhat - fit you. 

You examined the contents and frowned. You had always wanted to wear something of this type, and now was your chance, but if someone – anyone – saw you, it would be bad... very, very bad. You traced a finger along the seam of the dark cargo pants and released a short, shaky breath. It was almost a pant.

A familiar voice broke the silence, startling you as you stood up with the outfit in your arms. It sounded through a door, but sounded, to some extent, worried. “(Y/N)?” His voice was delicate, and you desperately attempted to ignore the warm feeling in the pit of your stomach.

You knew your whisper wasn’t quite strong enough to respond, and you almost guaranteed he knew it too, because the pause only lasted for a few seconds.

“Are you alright? Uh… Knock on the table if you’re okay and I won’t come in.” 

You smiled and your gaze drifted to the metal examination table. You took a small step and knocked on the table twice. You turned back towards the door where Bucky stood and watched his shadow move through the crack underneath the thin material.

“Okay. I’ll wait outside for you.” His footsteps echoed quietly as he left the tent and you sighed. Of course, you barely knew the man and you’d already fallen hopelessly in love with him. But that would wait until after you both figured out what to do. Or so you thought.

Swiftly throwing the newly found outfit on the table, you stripped out of your nurse uniform and pulled the thick cargo pants up your thighs. Thankfully, the waist was elastic and fit your form perfectly, with a lot of room left to stretch the elastic. You tied the belt loosely and moved onto the large V-neck shirt. It was slightly big, but workable and you threw the latched jacket across your shoulders. You found an elastic band in the utensils drawer and tied your hair back into a tight ponytail. When all else was completed, you pulled the socks onto your bare feet and slid your feet into the army combat boots.

You had calmed down immensely and were ready to face Bucky. You pushed past the exit of the tent and scanned the area, but Bucky wasn’t there. You took off in a random direction, searching for Bucky everywhere but you couldn’t find him. You wanted to scream your lungs out for him, but you couldn’t. He was gone.

3 weeks later

It had been pure agony ever since Bucky disappeared. Sure, it had only been a few weeks, but those many days were spent in the exam room, scared out of your wits because you didn’t know what you were supposed to do, or what was going to happen next. 

It was silent in the camp, the crickets were still absent, and it was probably the scariest thing. The vibe that surrounded you twenty-four-seven was eerie and full of tension. There was always the feeling of someone watching you – monitoring you – and there was always the sneaking suspicion that someone was a few feet behind you.

In the few weeks away from Bucky, you had realized something. The connection you had with him was so strong, it often brought along the feeling of regret upon you. If you hadn’t ran away from him, whilst in a panic, none of this would’ve happened. He was fine for a few minutes, but you found yourself wondering what happened to him while you were changing.

He was probably already dead; his corpse in the hands of your capturers, waiting to be found by you so that they could take you and kill you too.

You hated yourself for being so afraid. You had always wanted to be a soldier, but this fear was getting in the way of your dream. This unnecessary fear was prevented you from getting out there and slaughtering the people—no, the monsters that took Bucky away from you. You missed him more than you’d missed anything or anyone else, and you always found yourself crying silently until you fell asleep.

You decided you would work harder than ever before to get him back, but you didn’t even know where to start. That is, until you saw the soft light seeping through one of the tents one night.

It was late, and you were finishing up your rounds of investigating the camp for anything and everything suspicious  before you turned in, when you saw it. Light. It was softly shining through the thin material of a tent a few feet away from you.

Your heart rate picked up as you carefully and very quietly stepped through the entryway and saw the silhouette of a man standing. You panicked for a mere second, thinking it was an enemy – maybe one of your capturers - but as soon as you turned the corner, you recognized the facial features and felt a huge wave of relief flow through you.

You felt tears streaming down your face, and everything seemed to go in slow motion as Bucky’s head lifted and his blue-gray eyes met yours. You picked up the pace in milliseconds, racing over to him before throwing your arms around his neck and burying your face in his neck, sobbing silent tears of joy.

His hands immediately landed on your hips, wrapping around your waist as he copied your movement, returning the affection. He pulled you closer and inhaled your familiar scent while rubbing your back to help calm you down. “It’s okay, Doll. I’m right here, Sugar. Right here.”

His voice sent shivers down your spine and you pulled him closer, absentmindedly pressing a tender kiss to the base of his neck. 

“Bucky,” You whispered, and he hummed in response. You gently pulled away and gazed into his beautiful eyes. I… I love you. I’m… in love with you.” You felt heat rush to the apples of your cheeks as you confessed, and worry creeped into your veins when he didn’t respond right away. But as soon as the big, beautiful smile formed on his face, you found yourself gushing and copying his expression.

“I’m in love with you too, Doll.”

You flung your arms around his neck and crashed your lips onto his. He responded almost instantly, and your stomach filled with butterflies. But your moment was cut short when the familiar sound of explosions echoed throughout the camp. You pulled away and slowly turned around, standing in shock as you watched hundreds of men in dark uniforms barreling towards you with machine guns and what looked like syringes. 

You were in a state of shock so extreme, your muscles refused to move. Until Bucky pulled you behind him, grabbing his machine gun and firing all of his rounds at the men. You were so screwed.


End file.
